Central Academy of Highly Advanced Alchemy
by Yoshida Shigemori
Summary: Kids love to experiment, right? In the Central Alchemy Academy, principal Roy Mustang is being driven into insanity by the class 6D! Then 2 new boys and teacher come, and things turn chaotic. Someone shrunk Ed! Black Hayate kidnapped? Envy a top student?
1. Central Academy of Highly Explosive Labs

A/N: It's been a while since I wrote fan fiction and yeah……

Disclaimer: Full Metal Alchemist © Arakawa Hiromu-sensei, and erm, I OWN THE STORY, NE…..sue me if you want to, I have tons of Monopoly cash. MWAHAHAHAHA……..throws free ice-cream

**Part 1: The Central Academy of Highly Explosive Laboratories **

"I suppose this is it. Ed, Al, let's go," said a man with blonde hair.

They were outside a large building. The man motioned for the younger boys to follow him, and then they heard a loud explosion and an enormous scream.

"PRINCIPAL!"

The principal looked up from his desk full of papers. His small eyes scanned the room for the presence of a human being. He could see nothing, for mountains and mountains of letters, forms, bills, whatever, filled the entire place.

"How irritating," me muttered and snapped his fingers and watched the papers turn into ashes.

"Principal! The students…..they……..they…….BURNED THE LABORATORY! AGAIN!" screamed the teacher.

The principal listened carefully to the teacher scream and ramble about the students of class 6D and their experiments.

"Really, sir! I do NOT know how anyone can stand them! THEY ARE A MENACE TO SOCIETY! I demand you take some action!" yelled the teacher.

"Right, I will," said the principal casually and called for his assistant.

"Miss Hawkeye? I need to see you," he said through the intercom.

"Yes, Principal"

An intelligent looking woman with blonde hair walked in. She was in her late twenties and had a strict look on her face.

"Miss Hawkeye, could you please show Miss Anderson out? She wishes to resign," said the principal.

Miss Hawkeye stared at the principal for a moment, nodded and motioned for the teacher to follow her and they walked out.

"What am I going to do with them?" thought the principal as he took out the bills. He studied them carefully sighed and snapped his fingers again.

"6D have destroyed more school property than the rest of the classes put together," he thought as he took out that year's yearbook and searched for the 6D class photo. He noticed that they all seemed to be making faces at the camera, and their homeroom teacher, Miss Anderson seemed to have fled.

"No point asking them to retake this photo," he thought and put the yearbook back onto the shelf.

"Is there anything wrong, sir? You seemed stressed"

The principal looked up and saw Miss Hawkeye back from sending off Miss Anderson. The principal smiled at her, then remembered where he was, shook his head and put a tern look on his face.

"6D has blown up Laboratory B and cased more than 10,000 dollars worth of damage. It appears that the entire laboratory on the third floor is completely destroyed because of the students tried to transmute some boiling water into kerosene"

"Oh dear"

"Right, as a result, I am afraid we have to call the student's parents. He will be suspended for at least a week"

"Which student is it, sir?"

"It appears to be Mr. Tringham this time, Russell Tringham that is"

"Hmm"

The room was silent for a moment.

The principal sighed.

"What am I going to do Miss Hawkeye? This is the second time a laboratory was destroyed in 5 months! The Board of Education is beginning to ask questions! This is madness! I might have to be replaced if this doesn't stop," sighed the principal.

"Sir! Be positive! That won't happen," said an alarmed Miss Hawkeye.

"Anything is possible, Miss Hawkeye," moaned the principal. "What we need is a strict teacher, one who knows how to discipline strictly"

Miss Hawkeye raised an eyebrow.

"I might know someone who fits that description, why don't you call your friend? What was his name again, Hughes? He might be able to help," said Miss Hawkeye.

"Right, that sounds good, I'll call him. Thank you Miss Hawkeye, you may leave now," said the principal.

Miss Hawkeye walked out of the door.

"Maes," thought the principal as he searched for his phone book. He finally fond the number and dialed it.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Hello?"

"Maes, it's Roy"

"Ah! Roy! Long time no chat! Want to go for a drink? Listen, I just got some pictures of Elysia developed. She looks so adorable!"

"Thank you for the offer Maes, but I'm quite busy at the moment. I need your help," said the principal impatiently.

"Right, let's hear it"

"Some students of mine have been causing trouble again. Know of any strict teachers who might like a transfer?"

"Hmm, yeah, as a matter of fact there is someone here who the students totally _hate. _Us teachers too, you know? I'll settle the documents; it should be done by the end of the month. It's the Central Academy of Highly Advanced Alchemy, right?"

"No, it's Highly Explosive Laboratories"

"What!"

"Oh, sorry, never mind. Yes, Highly Advanced Alchemy"

"See you then," sad Maes on the other line.

"Right," said the principal.

The principal sighed and muttered something. He then picked up a pen and began to sign papers.

Little did he know that the pen that he was writing with had been modified.

The students of 6D sat in their classroom next to the radio.

"So they think hey can control u, eh? Fat chance," said the blonde named Russell.

"Russell, I think you're in trouble," said one of the boys.

"It doesn't matter, we got rid of Miss Anderson," said Lyra, a girl

"What do you think this new person is going to be like?" asked another girl.

"Probably very horrible," said another.

"Whatever he or she is like, I'm sure we can handle it, even if something bad happens, I can help out," said Winry.

"Yeah, automail freak," said Russell.

Winry shrugged.

"Whatever it turns out to be, I'm sure it will be a piece of cake, we are after all the top class," said Lyra casually.

For the first time in the history of the Central Academy of Highly Advanced Alchemy, Principal Roy Mustang can finally relax, but not too long later, Miss Hawkeye came back in.

"Sir, there is someone who wishes to see you," said Miss Hawkeye.

"Bring him in," said the principal.

A tall blonde man walked in and two young boys followed. One was a small sized boy who had his hair braided while the other was a little taller and his hair a little darker.

Principal Roy Mustang looked up and smiled.

"Ah, Hohenheim, long time no see"

* * *

A/N: ARGH! Please correct me if I'm wrong, ne, I kinda forgot my spelling. XD Anyway, review please! NEED FEEDBACK, PEOPLE! 


	2. The Most Angelic Bean

A/N: YAY! I love you people! And just because I play Daniel in the drama doesn't mean my real name is Daniel, OK. Oh, yes, and there will be some out of character-ness for the whole story, and its alternate universe, sort of, forgot to mention that.

Disclaimer: Being serious is horrible, right back to the point: FULL METAL ALCHEMIST IS MINE! OK, it isn't, but if it were mine, I WOULD ADD MORE TELEVISION IN IT!

**Part 2: The Most Angelic Bean**

"You know what?This is stupid, and it's not going to work. Al, let's move," said Ed, and he turned around to open the door.

"Nii-san! Where are you going?" said Al.

"Home," he said as he turned the door knob.

The principal raised an eyebrow.

"How exactly is someone as little as you going to survive the trip from here to the train station?" said the principal casually.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO PUNY ALL HIS FRIENDS ARE AMOEBAS?" yelled Ed. He charges towards the principal but his brother grabbed him jut in time.

"Nii-san! He didn't say that!" said Al.

The principle raised his eyebrows again.

"That's a new one," he said

"Anyway, Hohenheim," continued the principal who was now completely ignoring the brothers and pouring Hohenheim and himself a drink. "What are you here for?"

"I am here to enroll my sons in the Academy," said Hohenheim.

Principal Roy spat out his drink.

"What did you say?"

"I am here to enroll my sons in the Academy"

"Who?"

"Edward and Alphonse Elric"

"The Elric brothers? The famous Elric brothers who get expelled from every school they attend?"

"Right, I suppose so"

"Wait, you mean to say that you have KIDS? The Elric brothers are related to YOU?"

"Yes"

"No way! No, I have enough troublemakers in this school, a whole class full of troublemakers," said Roy as he watched Ed, who was still trying to break free from his little brother's grip. He was now trying to chew his arm off. The principal sighed and shook his head.

"Mustang, it is their late mother's wish that they study alchemy," explained Hohenheim patiently.

"Perhaps if they weren't so wild I would consider, but I am very sorry Hohenheim, I cannot do such a thing," said the principal solemnly.

"Edward is the wild one," said Hohenheim.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, OLD MAN," screamed Ed, who was still being held back by Al. His attempts at chewing his arm off were unsuccessful.

"Nii-san! NO!" squeaked Al.

Suddenly the phone in the principal's office rang. As Roy was just about to answer it, Hohenheim picked it up.

"Hello, this is Principal Roy Mustang's office. What? Oh no, not yet. He said no I'm afraid. What? You would like to talk to him? Yes, yes, sure of course," said Hohenheim.

Roy narrowed his tiny eyes as Hohenheim passed the phone to him.

"The boss wishes to speak to you," said Hohenheim. Roy looked startled.

"The boss? The minister of education?" said an alarmed Roy as he grabbed the phone.

"Hello?"

"ROY!"

"What? Mother? Is that you?"

Roy glared at Hohenheim who simply shrugged. He then looked at the Elric brothers who were now whispering quietly among each other. Then he looked at Riza Hawkeye who was just as alarmed as him.

"Yes, Roy, it's me, your mother. Why are you so alarmed?"

"Mother! I wasn't expecting you to call me here at work!"

"Never mind that, Roy! Why didn't you let the Elrics into that school of yours? They are such good children! Well, the short one is a bit noisy, but they have such talent! You know, I knew Trisha Elric personally, very nice lady. It's such a pit she had to go so soon. Poor dear, that disease must have been serious…….ROY, WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME?"

"Yes, mother!"

"Now listen here Roy, I want you to let those poor boys into your school at once! Their talent is amazing and you want to see the school shine again right? Then let them in, Roy! This is an excellent opportunity to show the other alchemy schools what you can make of a couple of troublemakers!"

"Yes, mother!"

-Click-

Roy put the phone down and looked around the room. Ed and Al were still whispering. Hohenheim was smiling. Riza was mouthing something that sounded like "Mama's boy"

"Miss Hawkeye, please arrange the documents for these two boys hey will enroll at this school, and attend lessons starting from tomorrow," said Roy irritably.

"Yes, Principal. What class should we put them in?"

"I don't know pick one, any one," said Roy as he waved his hand impatiently.

"Principal……"

"Fine, fine," said Roy as he wrote some alphabets on a piece of paper, closed his eyes and randomly pointed to a spot on the paper, motioned for Riza to come over to his desk and pointed to the spot he had picked.

"See where I'm pointing? Is there an alphabet there?" said Roy still with his eyes closed.

"Yes, sir, but are you sure……"

"Retype the name list and print out a copy for each teacher, Miss Hawkeye," said Ry, who still had his eyes closed.

"Yes, sir, but…….."

"This decision is final, Miss Hawkeye, thank you," said the principal.

Riza blinked a few times.

"Yes, sir," she said.

"Good!" said Roy and he snapped his fingers and burnt the paper. "When you are done with the name list, let me have a look, please. You may leave now"

Riza nodded and left the room.

"Mustang, I would like another favour, if you don't mind. I will be leaving Central tomorrow and the boys have no place to stay while studying here. I believe you have dormitories here for students who aren't from Central, could you perhaps give them a room to share?"

Roy sniffed and grabbed some keys from one of the drawers from his desk.

"Room 37, Block B. Wake up at 7.00 am, lessons at eight till 12.00 noon where it's lunchtime. School ends at 3.00 pm and no visiting the girls' dormitories. No visiting others after 6.00 pm. Lights out at 10.00 pm. You may return home on weekends and holidays," he said all this very quickly.

"Thank you, sir," said Al as he took the keys. Roy nodded.

"I want to you two studying hard, OK?" said Hohenheim.

Al nodded while Ed jus ignored him.

"This is your booklist, please get your uniforms by tomorrow," said Roy as he handed the list to Ed who took it.

"See you tomorrow," said Roy.

The brothers nodded and walked out of the room. Hohenheim thanked the principal and walked out too. He said goodbye to the boys and walked away.

"What do you think of this place, Nii-san?" aid Al as he admired the white walls of the building.

"Let's just hope the teachers here aren't as crummy as those in Western," said Ed.

"Nii-san let's go get our things at the bookshop," said Al, trying to change the subject.

"Whatever," he said.

Roy watched them walk off towards the bookshop, sighed and returned to his paperwork. He cleared he glasses on the table and poured himself a cup of coffee when there was a knock on the door.

"Principal, I am done with the name list," said Miss Hawkeye.

Roy nodded and took the paper and looked at the list. His eyes widened and he spat out the coffee, dropped the mug and fell on the table, semi-unconscious.

"Principal!" said a shocked Riza as she hurried to the principal's desk.

"Please tell me this isn't true, please tell me you made a mistake, Riza" he mumbled.

The name list was left forgotten on the floor; on it was the names of the Elric brothers their future 6D classmates.

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed it, ne. Please review! 


	3. Inspiring Envy

A/N: I was watching Spiral Suiri no Kizuna, and you know what, it's CONFUSING! YES! CONFUSING! But good, so far anyway…..

Disclaimer: I want FMA for my birthday…….or Christmas, but I don't have money, WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO? Write fan fiction, duh.

**Part 3: Inspiring Envy**

A teenager was in his room studying. He had long black hair which reached his waist and a serious look on his chalk white face and he was already wearing his school uniform. His fingers were like that of a scholar, like they had never touched anything but books. He was writing something in a notebook that was very battered with bits and pieces of paper sticking out. On his table were different coloured pens weird glassy instruments. Next to him was a pile of used pens. All over the room were diagrams and mind maps. The three large bookshelves were filled with highly boring books. Although there were many things in his room, it was reasonably neat and clean.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Enter," said the teenager.

The Elric brothers walked in with a load of books and bags. They looked around the place and about to put their things down. The teenager looked up when he saw them carrying so many books and immediately rushed out to help and stuffed to books into a different, not so full bookshelf.

"Who are you?" asked Ed rudely.

The teenager blinked.

"I live here," said the teenager. "I believe you are in my dorm room"

"Not anymore, we're going to have to share," said Ed as he looked around the place, it looked so educational. The teenager looked at Ed for a moment and then looked at Al, who bowed a few times.

"Please excuse my brother. My name is Al, and this is my brother Ed. We are new here you see, and Principal Mustang……." Al said but the teenager cut in.

"I already know the situation, the principal has informed me that there will be two new students here and I have to share my room," said the teenager. He coughed and looked back at them.

"You still haven't answered my question," said Ed.

"People call me Envy," said the teenager.

"Why?" asked Al.

Envy gave them a 'you will know soon enough' look.

"I have to go to the library and return some books," he said as he picked up a large, heavy looking bag. "Your room is the one with the bunk beds in it."

"Many thanks," said Al. Ed coughed.

As soon as Envy left, Al went to search for their room. Ed sat down on a chair and observed the place a bit more. It was a reasonably large for a dormitory. There was a private bathroom and two bedrooms. The place was reasonably clean which probably meant that Envy was a pretty good housekeeper ( "He is going to do all the housework around here," thought Ed) and there were books all over the place. Out of curiosity, Ed picked up a book and began to read.

"Equivalent Trade, A Guide to Bringing out the Best Alchemist in You," he read. "Chapter One, You are a Genius!"

"Nii-san! I've finished unpacking!" cried out Al happily. "Want to have a look?"

"Coming," he said as he marked the page where he was at and went to find the room.

"Isn't it great?" said Al happily as Ed stepped in the room.

What Ed saw wasn't great in his opinion. In fact, it was almost horrific enough to give him a heart attack and kill him. Ed would rather have electrocuted himself than admit it was great.

The walls were plastered with various pictures of kittens and cats. Sleeping cats, purring, cats, wild cats, fat cats, white cats, black cats, cats in weird costumes, all sorts of cats! There were cat plush dolls everywhere and matching cat bed sheets, blankets and pillow cases.

"I brought Neko-san too; I didn't think he would want to miss this," said Al, almost purring with delight.

Ed looked down at his feet and almost shrieked. A live tan cat was in the room purring at his feet.

"He's hungry!" said Al as he reached into his pocked and took out a packet of dried fish.

"Do you carry dried fish around with you all the time?" asked Ed.

"Yup!" said Al happily as he fed the cat dried fish. "Cats eat fish you see"

"I am going to share my room with a CAT?" shrieked Ed who seemed horrified at the idea of a cat being the first thing he would see every morning.

"YES!" said Al so happy that Ed was able to grasp the idea so quickly.

"This is almost as bad as someone calling me SHORT! OUT! YOU AND THE CAT! OUUUUUUUUT!" yelled Ed as he pushed his brother and the cat out and slammed the door.

The sound of someone stripping the bed sheets very violently was heard. Al held the cat close to him as he fed it dried fish.

"It's OK, Neko-san, Nii-san is just having a hard time adjusting to things," he said as he stroked the cat.

"ARGH! A SMILING CAT! IT IS PURE EVIILLLLLLLLLLL!" shrieked Ed.

Al sighed, shrugged and continued to feed Neko-san and tell him weird stories.

Meanwhile, in another place far away, a teacher applied for a transfer and got it. This was the teacher Maes Hughes was talking about.

"The Education Department is super efficient!" thought the teacher.

"Miss Curtis! There will be a small send off ceremony for you in an hour!" sang Maes.

"Thanks," said the teacher.

"Oh, Miss Curtis! We will miss you!" cried some teachers.

"I will too," said the teacher, smiling.

Soon the send off was over and the teacher smiled at the teachers and students who had attended. She was surprised that everything was done so quickly. The students were all sobbing and so were all the teachers. The decorations were put up amazingly fast on such short notice. Everyone was now sobbing hysterically as the teacher walked to her car.

"Now, Miss Curtis! Your train to central leaves at 10.00 am tomorrow! When you arrive at Central Station, the principal will be there! You can't miss him, his eyes are tiny, like a line and a dot. Here are some pictures of Elysia to remember me by!" cried Maes who was now sobbing and laughing at the same time as he poured about a hundred pictures onto the teacher's lap.

"Thank you very much," said the teacher, a huge bead of sweat appeared on her forehead

"Miss Curtis! It's all so sudden! We are going to miss you!" squeaked a student.

"I'll come and visit sometimes," said the teacher.

"Oh, please, don't bother, Central is very far away," said the student immediately as she ushered the teacher to the car.

"Goodbye everyone! I will miss you!" said the teacher as she jumped into the car and sped off.

"It's safe now right?" asked a student. Maes nodded.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The students and the teachers all took out pompoms and immediately began to dance. Some people threw confetti around and there was even a firework display. Some students held sparkles and began to jump around. The teachers were all hugging each other and crying squeaking, "It's over! It's over!" Maes was the happiest. He actually said, "Party at my house! Free champagne and pictures of Elysia for everyone who attends!" Everyone hopped into the nearest mode of transport.

Meanwhile, in her car, the teacher sneezed a few times.

"I wonder what Central is like, I haven't been there in a while," she said. "I wonder…."

She sneezed again.

"I think my cold is coming back," thought the teacher as she drove off into the sunset.

Meanwhile back in the Central Academy campus, a bunch of 6D students had hacked into the school's system and were now looking at the name of the new teacher.

"Izumi Curtis, anyone familiar with this name?" said Lyra.

"I think I came across that name once," said Winry frowning hard.

"I heard there are going to be two new students in our class," said Lyra.

"Edward and Alphonse Elric," said Kyle confidently.

"How did you know that?" asked Winry

"When you run an inn, you know how to dig things up," said Kyle. "They got kicked out of every school they attended. Apparently they are quite good at driving people crazy. Envy's sharing a room with them."

Winry frowned harder.

"Do you know them, Winry?" asked Lyra.

"I'm not too sure," said Winry as she watched the sun go down.

A/N: WHAT THE, I'm so lame……that was freaky, review please!


End file.
